Found out what my name means finally...
My dad has been cheating me into complacency
It doesnt mean twilight...which is bearable
it means.....night...
so that actually makes me a lady of the night
not jumping up and down for joy
and there are names which are right under mine..on the name lists...
which mean things like..end of darkess...
and someone describes nisha as the time where the mind and body are exhausted
What were my parents..ie dad..thinking
Ok...and night time is the time that i get terribly unhappy...
so is that freuds way of saying that i hate myself
i dont know...
i can live with the name..it isnt as horrible as lets see....dawn...or something like that
night time is the best time...
now let me sound convinced
Passive smokers are those who are too cheap to afford their own cigarettes
Saturday, May 28, 2005
![]() Cancer - Your Love ProfileYour positive traits: You're intuitive enough to know what's going wrong in a relationship early on A total sweetheart - you're often the most caring person anyone knows You are a generous and devoted parter to whoever you fall in love with Your negative traits: Insecurity - you tend to need a huge amount of comforting from your partner You tend to be overly sensitive and easily hurt, which make loving you difficult It's difficult to predict your moods. One minute you're up - the next you're down. Your ideal partner: Someone equally sensitive, who wants to take time to get to know you deeply Dreams of an everlasting love - complete with marriage and a family Loves to take care of you. Being a good cook and masseuse doesn't hurt! Your dating style: Slow. You enjoy dates that last all day, with plenty of time to talk and get to know one another. Your seduction style: Quite tender and loving, once you are comfortable in your relationship. Coy. You tend to play it cool to drive your lover wild. Orally talented - you're known as the best kisser in the zodiac. Tips for the future: Be a little less sensitive. Not every little mistake should hurt you. Spend time away from your partner every so often - independence is a good thing. Find ways to take care of yourself. You'll be happier if you put yourself first. Best place to meet someone online: eHarmony - you'll be able to take the time to get to know each potential match well Best color to attract mate: Aqua Best day for a date: Wednesday Get your free love profile at Blogthings. |
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
The best state to be in...is a neutral one...when there is no happiness or sadness...
When you are at peace with the world...
And you dont have to fight against anyone or anything anymore....
when the calm doesnt shatter....
and the hurt stops....
that would be the day
If it were possibly to chose between great beauty and intelligence....
I think I would pick the beauty anyday....
people forgive beautiful people for being dumb..but they pity the smart ones....
A lot of things that i didnt see before...I see now...
For one...as needy as i might sound when I write
I am much stronger than I sound.....
I mean, I dont think I am there yet...but I am slowly working to a state..where I dont need anyone...
when no one can affect me the least bit...
when if pple are hurting, i am able to brush it aside....
someday...
maybe i should move into a cave or something....
then i can be alone...with myself( probably going to find myself alarmingly bad company..but its worth a try)
I dont want to depend on anyone..or expect anything from anyone..
because i dont do..getting let down very well..
which doesnt mean that i myself am perfect...far from it....
this isnt a comparison..its selfishness...
in the same way you never expect ur mom to tell you that ur fat...mine did by the way..she swears she doesnt mean it....but anyway, yeah....
its not fair is it....expecting someone to be there for you all the time...to be supportive all the time..to be willing to give all the time....
well..no one can handle that...its not fair of me to expect it...but i do...
so i am going to stop now...and let nothing surprise me...
I am going to be cool and calm....and angry..
cos the anger keeps me going....
I cry terribly easily...and it seems sometimes..like i am trying to be emotionally manipulative...when all i am trying to do is express distress..
so i am going to stop that...and for that..i need to be angry....
have i changed that much....maybe..
well now..i am going to change more..a whole lot more....
I am actually going to free myself...maybe that is the best thing then...
cos when the weight of expectation is lifted...then only you can form relationships with people...
If someone doesnt feel that you rely on them...thats when you can speak to the real person....
This applies to everyone...friends, family....everyone....
detachment is the way to the future....
god i should go join a nunnery.....
Not been able to do anything so far...
Just going to take this time to make a note of how tired and defeated I am....
just tired...thats all....
Well...I guess it could be so much worse....
I mean..there is so much to be grateful for....
I was looking at this article abt the sex industry in thailand/vietnam/cambodia...
Its so scary....
Why do these men...its never the women...let this go on...
and why do these women..its never the men here..perpetuate it...
I have just spent a highly reflective day....
Nothing that i have really done up till now really means anything....
If you think abt it....my life up till now has been nothing but a glorified waste of time....
Not left a mark of any sort on anyone....
ok maybe i am being a bit harsh..there are one or two things..that took up months of my time..that actually meant something...
but then....that leaves me with years to account for...
havent discovered anything....or written anything worth reading....
Used to sing..but thats hard now that i am away...
not created anything...and there is so much to create...
maybe i should just get used to this...
in the past...i used to fight more...want to prove naysayers wrong...
but now i cant be asked...
I am trying..babysteps to not let it affect me....
Dear Dr Zavos,
I had the pleasure of being present at your talk at the Union. While many opportunites were given for us to engage in lengthy discussion, many of the thoughts which I wish to convey to you were not formed yesterday. After lengthy thought, I wish to express to you some of my misgivings against cloning, and your motives secondarily.
Infertility, as much as you would like us to believe so, is not a disease. A disease is something that can lead to mortality. The inability to have a child is never going to cause direct death of a parent. True, to some people, not having a child is like death itself. To these people, adoption should be the proposed solution. Is it really that necessary to indulge the whims of a parent to such an extent that they must be cloned. When the child asks who his biological parents are, the truth is..its his grandparents. The implications on family dynamics are unbelivably large. I personally have not had the experience of childlessness, so its true, I do not understand. But, being neutral lets me see the bigger picture. Part of medicine is the understanding of the greater good. In this case, the greater good is not being served, instead the whims of a select group of people is being catered to.
I asked you yesterday whether you could guarantee that this technology was going to be regulated. You said that you were not sure. This is understandable. Legislation is in the hands of the politicians, not the scientists. However, scientists have the obligation to be responsible for the knowledge they create. You cited the atomic industry as an example of a well regulated evil. My comeback to that is....we all fear being hit by an atom bomb in times of war. Some countries even fight pointless wars over weapons of mass destruction. So it is not a fear that has been eradicated. Your technology has such dramatic potential for misuse. If you do not see that, I term you naive. History does not remember the inventors of the atom bomb for their energy saving technology.
Scientifically as well, I have many doubts. You are capable of citing badly designed studies, but absolutely incapable of citing any well done studies. The few examples that you did cite, were few in sample size and more importantly, not done by you. If you criticise the doctor cloning monkeys, you should be able to show that it can be done. However, you cant and havent. Your animal models are lacking and since they carry human genes, calling them non human is a matter of definition. You cant hide behind jargon and terminology when it is plain, that the DNA from that is predominently human. Even if it werent, it cant mean very much as cloning is highly species specific.
I do understand. You can never be sure of the outcome of an experiment until you have performed it. Any scientist would sympathise with that logic. However, you dont seem to see that your experiments involve people. Imagine if the first experimental child you create is severely disabled, or incompatible with life. Or even worse, someone whose illnesses only come to light later when they cant be aborted. How can you live with yourself ethically if you create a child that has some horrendous illness which is of your own making. Will you say, this was a badly designed experiment, let me correct my errors for the next one...
If you do really think that way, then terming yourself compassionate is farcical.
You speak of wanting to help people, and that this is not a means to seek publicity. Then why is it that when one accesses your website, it is filled with lists of your television appearances. If you really want to help people, go to Africa and treat people. For every cloned person you make, 50 million die of basic diseases like the flu. Why didnt you use those 25 years you had to run a health organisation for the needy. They need help. The only fundamental difference is that none of these people can pay you or provide any publicity. Well, according to you, that shouldnt matter. So, I suggest that you look into these methods of helping a large number of people.
You cant compare yourself to IVF. IVF and ICSI are technologies which mimic the natural process. I myself however have never heard of a species that performs nucleus transfer as a means of reproduction.
If you were a harmless publicity seeker, I would not be too worried. However, I believe that you are capable of cloning a human. I only hope that you will see the implications of what you are doing. Why are you doing this when there is so much else to be done
Thank you
Sunday, May 22, 2005
I need to stop sounding so sad....
Its beginning to seem so easy to sound endlessly sad:-)
Its 9pm now..and the sky is blue...the sun has just set...i think..it looks like a sunset..
I just didnt feel like going anywhere today..or even getting out of my room....
Just one of those days
Spoke to smriti..finally...its been close to 3 weeks since I have last spoken to her...
Heard all the family gossip from mom...
What is it with my family and arranged marriages...I mean...do you really see yourself finding the man/woman that you are going to spend the rest of your life with in a newspaper...
So you marry someone ( going to sound female here...cos its easier to refer to one side:-)
and have his kids...cook, clean, take care of him...
and then gradually get to know him...
Its like picking someone off the streets....
I dont know..I dont think that i could do it...
I have thought abt this....do we really need to be married for our lives to have meaning...
These days you dont really need a husband or a wife to have a baby...there are so many children out there to adopt....
So...basically, if you fear lonliness..you can adopt...
anyway, basically...its fear for me...what happens if they start looking at me that way...
I am only 20..so i am free for the moment....but what happens eventually....
My parents will leave me alone...but the rest of them...i dont know..
will someone send me sheets of paper...that go like this..
Aiyar boy working in California seeks girl, homely and btw 5'2 and 5'3
Willing to relocate to California, fair complexion, willing to sit at home and raise children, must love domestic duties.....
Women with issue do not apply
Yep..thats my life....what ever i achieve will be looked at...but the no of offspring i produce will be an impt consideration....
with that said..i am not averse to domestication:-)
I can actually see myself having lots of children....and being domestic...
but that doesnt mean that i seek these things so badly..that i will find some random to be with...
why wont they understand that.....
i mean...i can actually see myself adopting if i never find someone to marry...
but that would be scandal beyond belief.....or maybe having my own children...
I see it somewhat as my right....not something that someone can give me or take away....
Or what happens if I find someone who the family wont approve off....how would that go...
my parents are wonderful pple..and i know deep down that they would want me to be happy...
and my family as well...but maybe in a different way.....
This is just fear of the future....my cousins will go first..and then i will be next..
the hints have already been dropped enough....
and i know that if i find someone who isnt like me...brahmin....lets see....professional( i mean eventually hopefully)...or with a family thats a little odd...or the worst of all...who doesnt share my religion...i might never hear the end of it.....
Which is sad..because if i marry someone that my family would want....
my children would be: short and engineers....
This is basically a reaction to the jaathagams that my cousins have been sent....
if i had to marry either of those men....i dont know what i would do....
it would be the end of the world as i know it...
so thats where this is coming from:-)
I need to do some work..
so all i have to say is that...
yesterday the weather : sun, rain, and Hail.....dont you love the english spring
and yes..I want something so so so badly now...
drum roll...
I want to go to bed...
And yeah..here's something for a laugh....
My parents are now...the newest members of the Tanglin club....
ie....slightly chuffed in an emigre made good way...
but its more like...this is a slightly large waste of money...
ok more than the money..its more what it represents ...
which basically means..one more year in africa for me...
I have decided that if i actually go through with my save the world career path..
I will have to marry two men...
one to stay at home..and earn some money to keep me in my pradas( nope...for the future..if i even tried to spend a thousand dollars on a pair of shoes..my mom would KILL me...and i would probably have to kill myself as well..for selling out to materialism...but if someone else buys them for me..it would be rude to refuse a present:-)
and the other to come with me...so that i wont be lonely..and there would be little pt in marrying someone if u didnt see them yah...
Dont you love my logic..
borrowed from The Sun...
Read abt someone yesterday...this barmaid from cambridge..who went to thailand to work..found love with this student...then went to model in Korea..and found someone else to love there....and found that she loved them both equally..so she told both of them abt each other..and the Korean is coming to move in with the lady and her Thai boyfriend in Thailand...
So its basically a glorified threesome......
anyway...this is why i love the sun.....
absolute trash...doesnt try to be anything else but......ah the sun
Do you think if you pay someone a large sum of money..they will change their names.....
cos i am beginning to find it so wierd..that there are more nishs on this planet apart from me:-)
ah...spoilt brat i am...yoda speak
either that..or i will have to start calling myself annapoorni...after my great grandma..
who was pure evil..but the most intelligent woman ever....i think that i actually look up to her..
someday:-)

