The best state to be in...is a neutral one...when there is no happiness or sadness...
When you are at peace with the world...
And you dont have to fight against anyone or anything anymore....
when the calm doesnt shatter....
and the hurt stops....
that would be the day
If it were possibly to chose between great beauty and intelligence....
I think I would pick the beauty anyday....
people forgive beautiful people for being dumb..but they pity the smart ones....
A lot of things that i didnt see before...I see now...
For one...as needy as i might sound when I write
I am much stronger than I sound.....
I mean, I dont think I am there yet...but I am slowly working to a state..where I dont need anyone...
when no one can affect me the least bit...
when if pple are hurting, i am able to brush it aside....
someday...
maybe i should move into a cave or something....
then i can be alone...with myself( probably going to find myself alarmingly bad company..but its worth a try)
I dont want to depend on anyone..or expect anything from anyone..
because i dont do..getting let down very well..
which doesnt mean that i myself am perfect...far from it....
this isnt a comparison..its selfishness...
in the same way you never expect ur mom to tell you that ur fat...mine did by the way..she swears she doesnt mean it....but anyway, yeah....
its not fair is it....expecting someone to be there for you all the time...to be supportive all the time..to be willing to give all the time....
well..no one can handle that...its not fair of me to expect it...but i do...
so i am going to stop now...and let nothing surprise me...
I am going to be cool and calm....and angry..
cos the anger keeps me going....
I cry terribly easily...and it seems sometimes..like i am trying to be emotionally manipulative...when all i am trying to do is express distress..
so i am going to stop that...and for that..i need to be angry....
have i changed that much....maybe..
well now..i am going to change more..a whole lot more....
I am actually going to free myself...maybe that is the best thing then...
cos when the weight of expectation is lifted...then only you can form relationships with people...
If someone doesnt feel that you rely on them...thats when you can speak to the real person....
This applies to everyone...friends, family....everyone....
detachment is the way to the future....
god i should go join a nunnery.....