Trinity term, day 4

Ok, if any of you were reading my previous post, you would have realised that today is the fateful day that the ban gets broken. Trust me, it was....
Lets see now..todays alcoholism consists of 1.5pints of cider...which is cheap drunkedness....and 1 Huge glass of wine..so that explains the blood alcohol levels...very very high ...djd i mention...very very very very very high...
So lets see....description of this psychotropic state...lets see...i dont think that i have done anything that i regret at the moment....
First effect, everything starts to spin...room around you starts to not really appear straight....
Met some friend of a friend...not going to remember him tomorrow....so cant be bothered..actuallly i am able to remember him now...wonder what his name is
Going to bed now....surprised that i can actually spell now...
Actually...the only truly overpowering feeling is the lonliness....I cant help missing you so...
Its like i try to think that you are there with me....but you arent...are you...
Sometimes i think..
Anyway, things will been so different if you were to be here.....anyway..is there a point thinking abt that...well not really
So i am going to bed

Trinity term, day 3

Well, daddy called me today..out of the blue..ok not really out of the blue..but you know...considering how frequently i speak to my family:-)
I find out that my mom is now in india...and dad finds out that i have been at exams for the past two days...8 hrs i will have you know:-)
I have just finished a phys and pharm collection..where i spent three hrs trying to convice myself that i had some knowledge of the working of the lungs and the heart...if you take out the physics..what is there to discuss in all honestly...
So today will probably be day 1 of the alcoholic drive....breaking the vow...ok i never vowed, only promised..to never drink again 7 times in one term...as term ends lets start afresh:-)
Ok....after about ten hrs of sleep...lets see now...ok...there really is nothing to say afresh..i will continue this later

Trinity term, day 2

Well, today was the first bloody day of the bloody collections....
Five bloody hours of exams..with three more tomorrow and four on monday...
Everyone else is done..so they are going to be spending the rest of the night getting fucked..no thats not my phrase...put it down to paddy...
Can you believe it...i know a pat, a paddy and a patrick....
A matt, another matt and a mat.....an el and elly and an ellie....makes for alliteration....
I havent had a drink in six weeks...this is from the girl who spend most of Hilary term drinking, or with a hangover...
I threatened to give up drinking 7 times last term....the others counted....and now...exam enforced ban....my little cousin thinks that alcohol is a non-vegetarian drink..yup thats what they're teaching him at home...
Where are you supposed to look when people start making out in front of you...if you look up or down its rude...if you look straight..then you see them...people should be banned from being rude unless it involves large amounts of alcohol:-)
Ok..i have to go do some work now....

Trinity term...day 1

Well, by now we probably all know about the recent escapade of our dear friend Mr P. Needless to say, hopefully we all know realise that jumping of a car might not be the best way to stay healthy and uninjured. I dont think that i am going to get into it again....except to say that my views on jumping off cars have been made known to the parties concerned...
and he promises never ever to do it again ....( well, that part isnt true..when will he ever promise to do anything that takes him out of mortal danger of something or the other)
I think i am still at the stage where I wondering where he comes up with these things to do...
Seriously, its like a stunt out of one of those reality TV shows...while it is rather amusing...in a very surreal way....
I cant help but worry a lot...I guess thats the only thing that you can do when you are 6000+ miles away....you know.....
It isnt possible to be any further..well...i could move to LA but then i am sure that flying arnd the other side of the world still makes it nearer.....
Oh yeah..I forgot..I can also feel extremely helpless....which i do...abt once a day on a good day..and more often on a bad day....
Well i guess i should be grateful...now that the clocks have been put forward...the time difference has been reduced to 9 hrs instead of 11...yeah!!!..
Now i cant use my old calculation of....what time is it in australia...? Lets see...what time is it in England....ok...take away an hour and....is it night here...then it must be day there...and vice versa...now i actually have to do the sums on my fingers...
I have never been able to calculate time otherwise
And its not like communication is easy...with dodgy internet connections...and exhorbitant( I cant remember whether there is a 'h' in that word..) phone costs...well i can understand in this case...6000 miles of under the sea phone cables..
So....I sit here..and offer to change bandages...cos its not like i can actually do it...internet bandage changing..that will herald the arrival of technology....
Yup....I have managed to make an incident of injury reflect something else...
Well, in all fairness..this is my blog:-)...relatively poor argument..but the truth
Most people look forward to things that are lets see...max a month..i dont know..maybe two months away...
If i actually started counting in days...well i dont have enough fingers...and a three digit figure...might actually counter productive.....thats a soulless way of saying depressing as hell
As i was saying....i have made " missing you an artform"...
Conceited twat that i am...quoting myself....
Why do I bite the heads of gummy bears first.....nasty
Anyway....
I cant continue writing like this anymore....enough depressing sounding words for a lifetime....
Lets move onto the postive...which is extensive....and the lessons that we have learnt....
1) Falling of a moving car causing excessive abrasions
2) It is near impossible to hang onto a car when its accelerating over a road bump...hump...lump? whatever....I still dont have the license so pray excuse me
3) Frank Sinatra's...The way you look tonight..is an amazing song...that makes me smile....
4) When I think of you....its Ella....you know which one....
5) Paris is going to be such good fun in summer....mais..ma langue...c'est pas tres bien...je souffrerai...i wonder..is that how you conjugate that verb...Jadis, je pourrais discuiter la litterature en francais...oui..je rappelle les livres...comme Mdm Bovary...si 'neurotic'..arsenic...pauvre pauvre Charles...et la petite...Berthe...qui Flaubert a tue...pauvre Emma...le batard Rudolf...anyway.....I never really understood that book...why would she be so selfish..such a child...She should have never married Charles..that is certain...but he adored her...so few people have that..
6) I am actually 1.6m...so that makes me slightly taller than initial estimates...
7) Lets see now....I have finally discovered technology...ie.. a webcam..now i can actually see what i look like to other people...not to sound negative...but it is actually frightful:-)
8) Oxford is beautifully sunny...it brightens at 6am and darkens at 9pm...Nothing affects me as much as sunshine..happy when its sunny and incredibly sad when it isnt....
9) You cant actually see much of a football match from the stands..but you get to spend the rest of your life boasting that you got to see ronaldo to put two past Kahn....and that Collina's head truly does reflect light...I hope that my kids wont expect me to fly them to go watch football..cos i sure as hell wont be able to afford it....
10) There is a Matisse exhibition...and a Whistler and Manet in the Tate..which i might go to
11) My middle name might be annapoorni..but it could be so much worse
12) When will you stop jumping off moving cars...cant you see how much it worries us....true, we do laugh a little... but your friends do worry about you when you get yourself into situations like this....we wonder..what are you going to do next...I for one...dont want to find out...
That doesnt mean that you are allowed to not tell me..it means...there ideally should not be anything of a similar nature to tell:-)

My baby again...he is such a darling:-) 

My baby 

To quote: Lovely building..the people..well lets see...:-) 

First picture in which i actually look marginally better than smriti...there is always a first 

John Donne

Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and deadfull,for,thou are not soe,
For, those, whome thou think'st,thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death,nor yet canst thou kill mee;
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more much flow,
And sonnest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better than thy stroake;why swell'est thou then?
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more, Death thou shall die.

This is the first poem they put in my hands in med school...and it really made me think...
abt medicine...and our roles in the world..and thoughts of a similar vein...
The next post will be of a slightly less depressing nature:-)

There are happy people and there are sad people
There are people who write when they are happy and people who write when they are glad
There are people whose words have relevance to daily life..and there are those whose dont
There are people who are unhappy for reasons that no one can do anything abt
And they take out that unhappiness by writing...
and there are people who are so happy that the urge to write takes over
There are people who wish that the world were a truly smaller place
Geographically speaking that is...with the english speaking world being concentrated
Onto one island 5 foot wide and 1 foot long...
So the maximum distance between any two people would be negligible..
There are people who wish that time run faster
Such that a month would last a minute
So 11 months would actually only be 11 minutes
There are people who wish sometimes that they were indeed poor and bobbing up and down in the ocean..such that their lot in life would truly be the worst there is to contend with
But then there are people who deal with all of the above
And still have moments where they are amazingly grateful
For everything that they have, and everything that they dont
For everything that has happened to them...
There are people with the conviction that if they could do everything all over again
They would be convinced that they wouldnt do anything differently at all
There are people...who while the struggle sometimes gets them down a little...
Wouldnt want there to be any difference in the overall order of things.....
Ps...this doesnt mean that ameliorations arent welcome....
Pps...that was targetted at telecommunications giants who needlessly increase trans...lets see...europe..asia..australia..transcontinental phone bills and universities which block essential communication software:-)

Life as we know it...Adam smith

Well...
Norah always does this to me...as she plays on my itunes...lovely technology by the way....
Not the second album..i dont think it is that wonderful anyway..its the first one..there is something abt it...
Takes me back to the past...to remembering something...i have always been one to associate songs with time periods of my life...like my first term in oxford is...lets see...bohemian rhapsody by Queen...thats the song that I remember best when i think of that time...
Norah..lets see what do i remember...well...its not like a day, a moment...a finite period of time...more like a theme, a period of time..short but one that lives in the memory... :-)...
A person...calm and restful...haha..not really...frequent bouleversements...never boring...but not necessarily calming either...every day differs from the next..doesnt it...but should it i wonder sometimes...
Sometimes you reach a point where everything seems to set in stone...a point of stability to an optimist and a point of stability to a pessimist...chose your own position:-)..is that such a bad thing necessarily..well i dont know...here's the thing..shoot me if you must..i dont think so...
this isnt to say that i want to get back to the prozac popping past..always wanted to use prozac in an alliteration:-)
A sop thrown to the reader...a means to try to explain something that really shouldnt be explained..to be read into depending on how much one choses too...in my case...skim the surface...avoid the whirlpool at the bottom...
ok none of that actually meant anything:-)..inspired fingers...or lack of inspiration possibly...
what does it really matter anyway..life is as we know it....
Change itself for the sake of change..as Umbridge said...is not desirable...sometimes the slow steady pace of life is something to be coveted...why do people stuck in fast paced lives always yearn the simplicity that they lack...well i dont really know:-)
When do we ever know the answers to the questions we ask..until...its either too late..or when it doesnt really matter anymore..or doesnt affect the outcome..economist speaks..

At topids...fingers froze that day...i still have the marks to prove it:-)..isnt the isis pretty..haha 

ok...here...i look...lets see...eyes closed and not smiling..should be like a trademark of some sort 

thea...i want my sari back! 

haha..that pashmina protected me from the 1 degree celcius cold...the things that girls put up with to be fashionable:-) 

Christmas last year...we put up a tree...and i look drugged in this picture... 

Tired and sleepy...i think that i am going to have to lose some weight...i am really trying hard to find a natural smiley picture:-) 

Why was i looking so suspiciously:-)..no idea..i think at that stage..alcohol was clouding my judgement..  

God..not everything is profound..with a meaning..some things just mean nothing..and thats the beauty of it all...
Ok..i cant help feeling a little..a lot blue actually...cos i have to be back at oxford tomorrow...surprising how when i was little..i actually dreamt about going to oxford..getting a degree..and living happily ever after...
Its never that simple...is it...interesting permutations thrown in which complicate things slightly..
oh yeah..now i have a webcam now..so friends will be drafted in..in helping me pick which earrings to wear with my ball gown..cos u see..oxford is only about intellectual persuit:-)
Keble ball this term...that basically means...alcohol from 6pm to 6am..and my exams end on the same day..so its not like sobriety is something that i seek...
then i slack in france...take some time to improve my language...see how much vocab is left from the old days of discussion abt madame bovary..who i maintain was a selfish neurotic...i wonder where i see the parallel.....
and then i end up in singapore...to hopefully beach bum...cos i will need a real break...as university is stressful..i can hear everyone laughing now..when i said that...
and then i come back and work...but with my present qualifications..the only thing that i am fit to do is wait tables or work in mcdonalds...as long as they dont make me clean toilets...phobia of public rest rooms.....point of info...it takes a special kind of wierdness to be in oxford..some pple have always had it..and others let it grow onto them...simple...
or i could go back to breeding fish...the indian in me wants to draw a nasty parallel to justify why i cant take that job...but it should suffice if i say that it concerns my mental wellbeing:-)
I am going to post some more pictures soon...
some smiling pictures...but i cant vouch for any of them having me sober..knowing what i am doing...i dont smile...because..i dont like photos..they capture a time past..and i try my best not to live in the past..to look back...
so its a touch ironic..that thats all i do these days:-) look back..or look far into the future..never the present..who needs the present anyway..
ok..and i look worse when i smile...