Off to oxford
and in nerd paradise...with all my fellow nerd friends..
who i miss to bits..
i will live for the next few weeks
and then i will be back even before everyone has gotten used to me being away
and i will hang arnd..even more in nus..keeping the meddies companies
while i mug away my december and jan
:-)
see you guys
and all of you..thanks for the support, the kindness
and the ever willingness to hear me out
and without this sounding too emotional
neela and mo
thanks for pulling me out of the deep end
very grateful

HAPPY BIRTHDAY both of you
neela: 2nd Oct
mo: 11th oct
if anyone manages to punk mo on her bday, i am offering a reward

I saw this poem in my sisters friends blog
found it highly fascinating..a masterfull piece of poetry
and since imitation is the best form of flattery
i put it up on mine..so that more pple get to read it
to the person who wrote this: if you would like me to mention you, drop me a note..i took out all names any way...:-)

love
he's holding her around the waist...
he's hating his hands, for the pressure they exert on her flesh...
and she finds his defined hands beautiful like she does all his fallacies...
a perfect example of sorrow and happiness blending together...

he pulls her close, feeling their cheeks gliding over one another's...
her head is resting on her chest and he can feel his chest ripple from the weight...
his heart is thudding, sending blood to his fingers, toes and head...
she's digging her nails into the ample packets of firm flesh on his upper back...

she wispers something in his ears...
he smiles...
and wishes this moment would never end forever...
the chemistry, in their perfectly innocent gestures is sensational...

their relation is such that he feels he has committed sins without even touching her flesh...
just looking in her eyes, he has conquered her... mentally, emotionally and physically...
this relation is funny, where water seems thicker than blood sometimes...
this is it xx... we know it is... this is love...

I love Ella fitzgerald
and billie holiday...and frank...

Some terribly random thoughts
Starting with what i did yesterday and today
Yesterday, Mo and I and Joey made neela a birthday cake?
Should i mention betty crocker as a valued help mate?
ok..so we didnt start from scratch, but unlike some pple..our cake was made to be eaten
not to be smashed into her face
so the taste of it mattered a bit
it was beautiful
when i get some pics..i will put them up
it had a little heart in the middle that we filled up with those processed cherries
and bright pink icing on brown
The ultimate little girls dream cake...and it was nice to eat as well
true...my greatest contribution was washing up, mixing and licking the icing off from the bowl:-)

And we surprised her..since the boys were late bringing in the cake..we walked her arnd aimlessly for an hr..and the dear suspected nothing..
and then we walked her to the party of 20....
it was amazing...i like surprising people
its a nice, warm, freshly baking cake feeling

but suze mentioned something that i was thinking abt....
is the male-female relationship one, where the girls and boys endless put down each other
is there another way to fundamentally relate to boys
i would love to know
presently...i am evil...and never let any of them get away with anything too grandiose
maybe...now....the swinging single that i am..
i am going to have to regress into a sweet woman of mystery( those who know me are probably rolling your eyes right now)
this selfsame( is that even a word..if it is..its from shakespeare)...friend..has a theory that the ultimate male fantasy involves a woman..who is reassuring..
and colourless..
thats what we tell ourselves at least when things dont work out
should try this out for research purposes
so the next few guys i meet, i am going to become...lets see...highly delicate...incapable of processing more than one thought at a time...bland..boring..and expressing a total lack of ambition
just to see how it goes..
im not being sexist here..but somewhat curious..like its some puzzle to crack
i am such a child:-)
im not serious abt any of this...i think i come across too strongly for any of this to be believed

speaking of ambition..i want to go to Stanford..
its the dream..
while the present one is amazing..stanford has always been the dream
along with sorbonne
maybe i should really think abt getting that art history degree
that will probably be the most fun thing i will get to study in a while

watched...l'auberge espagnol(e)....today..
it was funny...somewhat a tribute to cultural diversity
without trying to sound superficial..which i am going to anyway..
xavier the lead....i really wonder...
si fatiguee....on for the dodo( i love that word...so cute)

fuck it
i am not free
the only thing i am is multipolar
no wonder...i actually feel sympathy for you now
anyone stuck in the same room as..let alone with.. a nut like me...
should bail for their own sanity:-)

This post is to be random thoughts....as i wait for my ipod to update...its taking years

i realise that i am free now...
with no one to answer to..
i do as i please and actually have nothing to live up to
so now, i sing on buses...humming music..raagam..random songs
and if i think abt something funny, i laugh out loud
i dont really care anymore what anyone thinks
insanity for laughing aloud...are all fears of the past
i smile to...widely
and talk to random pple..met another random today in a bus stop
i skip if i chose to
and when people stare at me, i dont look down
i stare back...eyes unblinking

Random thought 2: pity the cynicism has to come along
i hear myself sometimes and i sound so cynical

Random thought 3: My friends think that the best relationship involves being completely in control...maybe i shall keep that in mind for the next one...

Wow...the variation is something to be amazed at 

Another one of those:-) 

Happy pic..thats me with my classmates 

I was in NUS today....spending time with the friends..who are all phenomenally busy and tied to their work..will have to go tmrw to visit another lot of them tmrw...yup..
beginning to know the interior rather well
but I realise that I enjoy it...posing as a student there..
No one knows me...no one will...and I can be peacefully faceless for a while
you are as much of a mystery to me as i am to you
and everything i say to you, is new..everyone i see..is a new face..
ok..predominently everyone i see is a new face
and most of you i will never see again
you know nothing abt me and i know nothing abt you
for some reason that gives me strange comfort
i dont have to be anyone for you
I can do pretty much as I please, since I dont have to live up to anything
any previous behaviour
you know nothing abt me and wont ever know anything
I have to live up to nothing

I should sit you down and have a chat with you and ask..what on earth is my place
when i write and text, am i to expect a reply..when? immediately, in a week..never?
am i supposed to drop everything when you call or text
and can i expect the same from you
its not like i particularly care...the only thing that bothers me is the unnecessary waiting
ok i do care...but things have changed
i just want to know what to expect since i have no idea how i am to be treated
as for me..when i am texted or mailed, i reply immediately..regardless of whom it is from

god i am so exhausted

What was I thinking
God how delusional I have been
out of touch with reality

Insight is something which takes time to get
and a lot of hurt
but now...all of that seems to have gone, and the only thing i am left with is stone cold reason
and now that i think abt it, everything makes sense
i have explained what i did not understand
and now i wonder how i was so bling
head in the sand like an ostrich
i realise a lot of wisdom in things that i have heard
and i feel free now
i for one,am not going into any more details except to say
that i know what it means when i was told that
some things must only remain experiences
but thats that:-)
when you are old, you will always have that to look back upon
perfection untinged by reality
when reality gets dragged in, everything takes a beating
and what was once unsullied, isnt anymore
its real
and not beautiful anymore
maybe somethings were meant to be beautiful forever
since their existence depends upon and even demands
the beauty
maybe any attempt to make this thing real
makes it dissolve, evaporate
and you forget why it existed in the first place
and what you are left with does not resemble what you felt for
i see that now
some things arent meant to be, because they just arent

On an antiallergy pill high
This is such a nice feeling, I am floating and happy and content
Jack I'm flying
They're the sleeping pills I never had....
(Small pple like me...) does not take much to affect us
I think if i tried something harder (ie everything:-)....) I might actually die
but with that said, life's too short:-)

Smriti is my bitch center...she is helping me discover my inner bitch..and its fun