You hope and hope that things will turn out perfectly...perfect suburbia..but then the knowlege hits you...this is life..not suburbia...decisions have consequences...and everything you do is for a reason...and you think abt it..and your heart breaks....but that doesnt really even matter does it...the cold hard truth stares at you...eyes unblinking..no sympathy for what you might be going through..it doesnt care...i'm not starving..or bobbing up and down in the sea swept away by waves...all i have to deal with is the degradation of a constant in my life.....i cant go on with this anymore...its not fair....i know i am going to change my mind tomorrow..and not have the courage to bring this up..the last thing i want is for it to end..even though i dont see how in heavens name it can go on...we are not made unfeeling..or to live in the past...we will move on..even though the last thing in the world that i want is to do that...then i look back..and the mask slips and all i want to do is cry till my eyes are washed out..or alternatively hide under my bed....the utter lack of hope that surrounds me doesnt really help either...people tell me to move on and that i am doing something silly...i dont need discouraging comments..i am not silly to not know...its like a cancer patient who knows that he is going to die..but really hopes that someone tells him otherwise such that he doesnt have to spend the rest of his time waiting to die....How do u let someone go when u are abt 99% sure that u arent going to find better....perfection is being offered to you on a plate and you refuse..can anyone blame me...
I thought that i was incapable of a lot of things...but that i dont believe anymore...freud would find this fascinating....i'm guessing that all that is left for me to do is to pick up the pieces....but a vase that has been glued together is never really the same is it