The only thing that i am certain of
is that i am a sum of contradictions
self absorbed, unable to trust and always doubtful
unsure of what i really want
maybe people like me were never made to be content
because contentment implies security

well...im going to use the next few days to really think about some things
things which i have to resolve in my head
for one thing, i have ambition, but it is not channelled appropriately

on a side note...i told my mother that it was unlikely that i would ever marry someone unless i had a live-trial period....and she spit fire....she told me that we were not brought up to live with men before being married:-) and that if i did that...i would end up unhappy and single for life...going through men like a dish cloth:-)...one part of me was thinking...how is that such a bad thing....but that was the evil side...with the costume shop horns and tail....i dont know..how do people get married on blind faith....i guess im part of a generation that grew up with the English patient.....and brief encounter...which i want to buy......i know i will like it
....just randomly...found the trailer on the internet...and i watched it and it reminded me why i love old films
well...i havent seen brief encounter...but the plot is about two people who are married but fall inlove.....and its one of those hopeless love affairs.....
now a film like that done now would involve two people, a chance meeting, endless shots of them in bed...and a nasty divorce and that would be it....
is it the films we see, or the books that we read
all make us hanker for that great romance...preferrably tragic for story value....
the one great love, that we have to lose for forms sake
does that romance of the books actually exist...
can two people actually be in love with each other and feel the same way about each other as they did when they first met.....i dont know
but thats what we all hope for.....the idea of love, then suburbia...is not appealing
romantic heroines do not end up washing dishes in a kitchen, wearing an old apron
there always has to be dresses, and perfectly styled hair....and pupils dilating and all of that rubbish....
sometimes i am led to believe that all great romances are tragic
because if not they would have sunk into suburbia and indifference
and not made such a good story after all.....so do we make up all of this stuff
how many of us are actually guilty of loving an idea....
well...i do wonder.....
cynicism is something i give up on....because every one of those man hating women...germaine greer and co...want to find that one man to prove them wrong...
its like asking someone if you look fat, when you bloody well know that you dont
so whats the point of being dishonest to yourself i wonder
well...im going to bed...i felt like writing after spending an afternoon reading chick lit