When you start needing someone, thats the beginning of the end...
Thats when you lose your independence...and start clinging onto someone else..living half a life...thats what it feels like sometimes....
I have seen so many women...who tie their fates in with someone else..and the only thing that happens to them..is that they get left alone..in a mess...they spend the rest of their days thinking abt how it felt like to be happy....or worse...being used...sitting around waiting for someone else..thats what their lives become..one long wait...
I cant let that happen to me....I have promised myself never to need anyone...
Most of all you....You're the last person on earth who I will allow myself to need...
I cant let someone take away my sense of self...
I dont want us to turn into one of those couples..that take so much from each other..that they become one person..
Then one day, sooner or later..either you or me..we are going to realise that we arent in love with the same person anymore...that one of us..or possibly both of us will be unrecognisable...
Why does this tirade come from....
Well...I find myself needing you more and more....
Things havent been going too well for me....these past few days...weeks...
And sometimes...I pray so hard that you will be there...because I know that you can make everything better...
This belief scares me....what is it that you can do for me..that i cant do for myself....
I can see myself turning into a mess...spineless....
What else is there...
Why do I want to speak to you so badly now....at nights..when you are asleep...
And I never dare to pick up the phone and wake you up....
I feel sometimes..when i cling harder..thats when ..you seem to be drifting apart from me...
The way that I reacted when we had that chat a few weeks ago...I cant forget how I reacted...
The old me..would have said...you know what I would have said...and at one point..I couldnt go on...I wanted to say those words and mean them so badly....
But I couldnt....I dont know what to do....
I think sometimes..the dependency scares you....It scares the hell out of me for one...
I dont want to need you....if i am the one that is needed..thats fine..I can cope with that...
But i need to be in charge of the way that i feel....
Then why is it that i am all over the place now....
Why is it..that if i pick up the phone now...I know that you will chat to me..
and then be minorly irritated abt neurotic women...tell me i am being unfair to you there....
I guess for me...its the commitment phobe talking abt how terrifying it is.....
What more is there to say...
Sometimes...its the raw need that scares you...and me....
That one lines sums it up...be clingy if that makes it better....
Dont you care the least bit.....either way....
When I was strong...you told me that I didnt show any need....
Look at me now....does it scare you...It scares me so badly....
I think that i am going to bed....
I love you...its just....