I want this to be over...I dont know how much longer i can go on like this...ever smiled so much that your mouth feels like it has been stretched...well, there hasnt been a minute today that i have even wanted to smile, or eat or talk or do anything normal....all i want is my old, happy self back...it seems to have been eaten up by something darker and more unhappy. Is it too much to ask for one minute of peace:-)....I think that the only thing that is really wrong with me is medical student syndrome..when you think that everything in the textbooks is applicable to you..such is life...I wouldnt say no now to a shot of something potent..that will keep me asleep for the rest of my life..then i get to wake up and realise that ..hell i would rather be asleep...going to have to get this sorted out..maybe monday...into oblivion...i know that when i grow older..i am going to find this ridiculously funny...depression set off by nothing in particular..but when ur in its depths..the joke doesnt seem that funny for some reason...so tired...i want to stop feeling so on the edge..like one harsh word is going to set me off..or one harsh deed is going to make me go back to something that i swore i would never do.....it will be ok on monday...or tuesday..or wednesday...goes on to the mention the rest of the days of the week...I dont actually want this to be read by anyone..it does happen to be a chronicle of my darkest moments:-)..so i chose to write this and paste this up on the world wide web..how lovely is life...